2012 is just gone like that. Nothing particularly special. Just one super mugging year. Except for the last two months.
New year resolutions? Nope, I'm not really a planning person. Cause I never know what's going to happen. And I don't hope. I don't desire. I don't pin my hopes and wishfully think that something good will happen and end up being disappointed. Yes. Till now, I hadn't decide where I want to go and what I want to do after O's, while everybody's ready, preparing themselves for it. My mom is shocked that I don't have plans while my results are gonna be out in less than a month.
Part of me says that I don't plan because I'm scared. Yes. I'm afraid of facing a new life, where everything would no longer be like sec school days. I'm alone for now. Friends can't be with me forever. Just like 5 years ago. It would be the same. Like how I first stepped into secondary school for the first time. I knew nobody. I needed time to adapt. And it takes like 2-3 years. And by the time I'm fully comfortable, everything's gonna restart again.
Another part of me says that I don't plan because I'm afraid of making mistakes. During sec 2 I had to choose my elective subjects which would follow me for the freaking bloody two years on. I chose D&T because I scored the best out of my three-D&T, F&N and Art. I ended up regretting. I had a awfully strict teacher who scolds me/us everyday. I'm afraid of using machines. And I'm not a physics student yet I did D&T. I often cried after D&T lessons during sec 3. I couldn't stand someone trampling on my pride. So I cried. Also, I felt lost. I felt afraid of those loud machines which looked like its gonna cut your flesh into pieces.
So yes. Although 2012 was a pretty stressful year, but ironically it was comfortable too. Cause I was sec 5. I've adapted well to everything. Even adapted well to my regrets. But now, the unknown future lies ahead. Like a bleak tunnel. Who dares to walk like that.
But still, up to now, I'm still pretty amazed at myself in 2012. Not self praising or whatever. I survived the O's. I survived that one freaking year, where my only companions were stress and despair. I've learnt how to co-exist with them, and I've found out I no longer hate them. In fact, they made me a perhaps better and stronger person. My heart goes out to those who are starting school on the 3rd of Jan, but yeah, I still wish them the best of luck. They still have plenty to go through.
Talking about entertainment and stuffs, one of the best gifts in 2012 was having to play Diablo 3! I know I sounded like some gaming nerd, but the last time I played Diablo was in Pri 6, and it was Diablo 2. 5 years for a sequel, and its like a revive or something to me.
Movies. 2012 was a year where I watched the most movies. I was never a movie person before that. Cause when I was young, movies often made me drowsy and tired. Perhaps it was a kid thing. And whenever people played games like guessing movie names, I would go "Damn!". Lol. But now I can proudfully claim that I'm a movie fan. Throw some names of movies at me, maybe I can get an A.
And of course, I picked up my courage and went for guitar lessons, although it only lasted for one or two months. Cause I wanted to focus on my studies and I pushed them after O's. Okay. Perhaps it's a resolution for 2013.
And yeah, my first sodagreen concert was in 2012. First time going for a concert alone, as everyone else was mugging for O's. Its a quite crazy thing to do. Going for a concert one day after your practical exam and your next paper starts a few days later. But nevertheless, it was fun. I got to know them so much more. And my love for their music grows.
Plus the Mayday concert in Feb. First time in standing pen. It was a feature that Singapore concerts never had. Everybody was high. Probably the best concert I've went to. Tiring, drained, but really fun. The power of rock basically became part of my blood. That's what you call 热血 in chinese.
Basically that was my 2012. The rest was mugging.
And here I am in 2013.
FANGQING LAU/芳晴