Time passes like mad. It's been one month since my O's ended and yet I felt like I hadn't done anything much within the month. Games, movies, shows, games, movies, shows. Job hunting in process.
Although I feel like rotting at home, but life's seriously better. I feel like a retired. I'm relaxing. No more rushing, no more behaving like a mad person. I no longer have to force myself to wake up 5.45am every morning, drag myself to the shower, prepare everything in 30 mins and catch the 6.30 bus. I always feared of missing the bus. If there's a test on that day, once I reach school I would start taking out my notes and start mugging. In a blur state of mind. Yes mugging in that way. Anxiety. Panic. Uneasiness. Rushness. That's school.
I would sleep for 5 hours a day. After school, if there's nothing on (thankfully), I would rush home, chill abit of Marvel, then take a quick nap. Maybe 30 or 45 mins. That kind of nap that you would make you feel really uncomfortable and giddy when you wake up. The benefit is that it makes you super energetic after that for the whole night. Then I would start doing homework. Yes homework. Yes homework. Then during dinner I ate while I surfed facebook to relax abit. Then homework again. Then 12plus or 1 would go the bed. When, I open my eyes again, its already the next morning. The sky is still dark. And the cycle goes on.
I was always in a rush. My family always wanted to eat out (at a far nice place) during weekends, but because of me the whole family had to do with those downstairs-kopitiam food. I needed to do my work and can't go far. Sometimes I would eat out with them, but I'm always in a rush to go home and I'm constantly thinking of the things that I hadn't done when eating.
During school days, I was really rather impatient. I would fly into a rage at whoever/whatever who tried to waste my time. These include mum trying to ask me help her do her work stuff, sis asking me to join her watch a nice show. Whoever who on-ed the TV would course, irritate me. I was really a not-so-nice person then.
I was constantly looking at the clock, planning and organizing what I want to do during each hour in my heart. The first thing when I wake up is to think of what to do for the day.
Now, this holiday. It seems like a waste, but its a bliss.
That kind of bliss that you would dream of Tom Hiddleston in your sleep, and wake up until you had fully slept.
Surfing the net for hours, as long as you want. Playing games, watching shows. No longer needed to plan or look at the clock.
Go as wild as you can and sleep at 4am, and sleep till the afternoon sun shines on your face.
Forgot what is Anxiety. Uneasiness. Panic. No more rush.
And I had more time to think about my life now. No longer like a robort whose world revolves around school and work.
I hoped this would last forever. But I would love a new start too.
Just now, I saw the news and it was on some event of primary school children "back to school" thingy. It felt good.
FANGQING LAU/芳晴